What Do Women Over 40 Want (Part 2) - A Relationship That Lasts Perhaps?

73 YEARS TOGETHER? HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

If you have lost your partner to death or tragedy, I offer my heartfelt sympathy. It can't be easy I know, and I don't claim to know what you are going through, but sis, I got you. Someone loved you, and I hope you find love again. 

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 I didn’t want to be a successful woman in-all-areas-except-love. I was lonely all through my early 20s and it got me very depressed. No more of that. I want a person :) I want my person. 

 What does it take to make a relationship last? I believe you kind of need to like the person you’re with. I mean really like being them. Be chuffed by their isms, and particular to their ways of doing things. There are some people who can love you but not really like you. They want you to fold yourself into corners to fit into their narrow suitcase of what a partner should be. If you’re too much for someone, you probably need to find someone big enough to handle all of you. Periodtt. 

HOW TO BUILD A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP

And there is also strategy involved, isn’t there? If you want a long term relationship, you really have to figure out what skills and attitudes will help you build a foundation that will stand the test of time. Exclusivity. Kindness. Down time. Shared interests. Resilience. Do you give up and run at the first sign of trouble? Or when you come across problems that are too big to solve on your own, do you reach out for help, because breaking up is not an option? 

 Ultimately, if you walk away, it should be because you have exhausted all options. Because sometimes breaking away from a toxic relationship is THE only option. 

 These are issues that are personal, with answers that must be customized to suit our own realities. I know of marriages that have survived all manner of terrible things, while on the other hand, I know of women whose lives have picked up phenomenally as soon as they ditched a toxic relationship.

 At the tender age of 25, I had already given up on love (child please!). I’d been hurt too many times that counted, and I figured I’d become some nutty professor somewhere, in socks and sandals and crazy hair, giving deep philosophical lectures, consumed by my work, with no time or need for love.

 For a few years, I forced myself to live a busy life (and I did the socks and sandals thing too!), in spite of a deep loneliness. I threw myself into working two jobs; worked out; worked on completing a pesky MPhil (which I eventually gave up), and tried to stay out of relationships by telling myself I didn’t want one. 

 I think love sneaked up on me because I wasn’t looking for it. Does that even make sense? The thing is, when you live your life fully, you get to meet people you would not ordinarily meet, in places you would not ordinarily meet them. Love cropped up on my radar while I was busy minding my business, and I’m still in love, and still have a crush on the guy:) some 19 years later. (We’ve been married for 16 of those). 

She also complains that people in relationships tend to think something is wrong with her, when she is perfectly fine with her life. Married women try to flash their rings and bracket their ‘Mrs’. titles like proof that they are better. 

 It’s all amusing, and pitiful, and too narrow an attitude for my liking. I’d prefer to simply appreciate what I have as being a great thing for me, without imposing my own values on someone else. Can we all decide to focus on fulfilling our own lives without imposing those values on anyone else? 

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Did you know that I wrote a book in 2017? I often forget to tell you guys about  my novella  How George Jones Saved Christmas which is available on AMAZON. Click on the image to check it out in Kindle and in paperback. 

What is this novella about? The blurb is below: 

Twelve-year-old Christy loves everything about Christmas in Saint Lucia: awakening to the smell of delicious beef and pork stewing on coal pots, playing dolls with her cousin Sweetie, and of course, singing along to the music of George Jones. The traditions are threatened when a quarrel breaks out between Christy’s mother, Merm, and her aunt Mabel. It’s not just a minor tiff between sisters, either: they are so angry with each other that Mabel threatens to spend Christmas with her family in a hotel, and Merm declares that her own family—Christy and her siblings—will spend Christmas Day by themselves."